The Journey

Finally. On December 14, 2019, I walked across the stage at The University of Alabama's Coleman Coliseum and officially graduated. I can now add the letters Ph.D. to the end of my signature and if you want, you can call me Dr. Burns. :)

Later that same evening, there was a party! A BIG party with my friends, family, food, games, and dancing. After 5 long years, it was time to relax and have some fun.

The party details came together perfectly, thanks to Robertsons BBQ (f00d), Richlyn Farms (venue), Wade Hamner (music), Dave Crutchfield (photography), and Erin Warner (coordinator). And a very special thank you to my amazing husband, Moody Burns. Without your love and support I would have never finished my degree and without your financial contribution, I would have never had such a wonderful party!!

Now... what do I do with this degree?

The day I have been waiting for since Fall 2014 finally arrive on September 16, 2019.

I DEFENDED MY DISSERTATION!!
AND I defended it SUCCESSFULLY!!!!!!

Joy, happiness, relief, partial disbelief, amazement, bewilderment, pride, release, victorious, etc. These are just some of the feelings that have been racing through my head since Dr. Denham announced, "I'd like to be the first to introduce you to Dr. Karen Burns!".

It took over 5 years to get here. Not unusual for most PhD students, I'm sure. But 5 years is a long time. Now I get my life back. I get to garden, shop, clean house, organize, play with my child, cook, sew, whatever I want to do when I'm not at work!

Oddly enough, it's been over a week and I'm still trying to figure out how to use my time. It feels strange having free time. Or if I wasn't working on my paper, I was thinking about it. Stressing over what I need to do and how to get it done quickly!

But I'm done. Almost. I had a couple of changes to make, naturally. I made those and my co-chairs approved. I sent it to the proofreader. She's working on it now. Once she is done, I'll submit it to ProQuest through our graduate school. Once it is reviewed and approved, then I am done. All that will be left is walking across the stage at commencement December 14 at 1:30 pm. Oh... and then a huge celebration party that night!!

It feels good to be on this side of all the writing! I think DONE is my new favorite word.

(oh how I love that word... DONE!).
Finally. My co-chairs said enough is enough. Go ahead and write up your results and finish your dissertation. I am six people short of having enough participants to meet the power analysis criteria for one of my questions, but right at enough (40) to meet the other question. I'm okay with that. I've heard many times, A good dissertation is a done dissertation! True, my results will not be fully valid, but I have learned a great deal and can still contribute that knowledge to the community.

I've spent about two weeks working on the data. Not a FULL two weeks because I also work 40 hours a week and take care of a 3 year old at home, but I get in a few hours here and there. I've been to our Research Stats lab twice. Need to go at least one more time.

I've written up some of the results, which have only led me to think of more questions and more interesting things I want to know. But I need my stats guy to help me with some of that to make sure I'm pulling the right numbers in the right way. He's been great. That's my advice to any PhD student.... if you are not a stats whiz, find someone who is. And if you are lucky like me, you'll find someone who is also interested in your study. Nate has thought of other questions and possibilities. He's asked me a lot of why questions which has been helpful in helping me think-out-loud before sitting down to write.

A few weeks ago while reading my Bible, I read 1 Chronicles, which is not a typical place for me to find inspiration and words that speak to me about my daily life. But this time... it was different.

In 1 Chronicles, 28:19-20, David gave the plans to build the temple to his son, Solomon, whom God appointed to build it. David tells Solomon, "'All this,' David said, 'I have in writing as a result of the Lords hand on me, and he enabled me to understand all the details of the plan.'"

I immediately reflected on my dissertation. Learning to read and write academically has been a challenge. But I'm beginning to understand it now. Collecting data and learning to decipher what it really means statistically and academically... another challenge. And finally, writing up my conclusions and how what I have learned and accomplished in my research will contribute to others... another challenge. But God has enabled me to understand it. He has pushed me and provided for me. In the most simplest and honest language - God has made me smart enough to accomplish this task. My dissertation... "I have in writing as a result of the Lord's hand on me, and He enabled me to understand all the details of the plan."

My dissertation is not just writing. It's not something I will present to my committee, get my degree, and never think of again. I will use the knowledge I have gained. I will apply it. I will grow it. And somewhere, somehow, at some time, God will reveal to me WHY he put me up to writing it in the first place!

Recruiting and KEEPING participants for my study has been a slow process. As I designed my study, I was advised by many people to do quantitative research only because it was easier and faster. Save the lengthy qualitative study for later. I can only assume that those people really didn't understand that regardless of the method, my study was going to be lengthy. Any pre-post test design, runs the risk of losing participants.

As of today, I have 39 participants who have completed all phases of the study. It's good, but 7 participants short of what I need.

I meet with my committee chairs in two days. We will discuss my options and decide whether to stick it out until I get the full 46 participants needed OR pull the plug and use the data I have thus far. Since I REALLY want to finish up and be ready to defend my paper in August or September, I vote to pull the plug and use what I have. I understand my results will not be valid, but I will have proven that I am capable of conducing research. Isn't that all I need to earn my degree?

I've had a long rest from writing and reading! It's time to remind my brain how to conduct and interpret an ANOVA and MANOVA. I need to reread my own paper and many of the articles I referenced in it. It's time to wake up my brain and write my way to the finish line.

And then it's time to present my paper in a formal peer setting, such as the Serious Play Conference in July!! I will not yet have defended my paper, but I will know my results. Forcing me to prepare a presentation will help me prepare for my defense. Practice makes perfect.

On a good note regarding not getting enough participants... I will have a very detailed limitations section in my paper!

I suppose I am no different than most any other PHD student. I need people to volunteer their time and take part in my study OR... I'm stuck in a holding pattern. I need 46 people to begin and finish all three phases of the study which consists of a pre-test, a questionnaire, intervention (game or no game), post-test, and final questionnaire. The problem, I believe, is that these phases are spread out over four weeks, therefore I run a high risk of participant drop-offs (which have happened).

Recruitment started October 2018. As of today, Feburary 19, 2019,  24 wonderful people who have completed all three phases!! I love those people!

Did I mention that recruitment only occurs two or three times a month during the new employee orientation sessions? While these brand new employees are hearing a ton of information in a 4-hour period, I ask them to volunteer their time to me! Crazy. But a few people have been eager to help out. I even had one lady email me and say she worked here previously (a disqualifier) but wanted to play the game anyway. She thought it was a great idea. Of course, I'm adding her to the game, but will not gather any data from her. That's the kind of excitement I like to see.

Other negative factors have been the weather (lots and lots of rain and cold), holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and coming up soon, Spring Break).

But this long wait hasn't been all bad. It has given me a chance to NOT read articles, NOT write, and just be a normal person. It has also given me time to reflect on the data coming in and sort through it. I've thought about the recruiting process: could it be better? How could the game activity be more enticing for future use? Why are people not interested in playing?

My research is purely quantitative. I wish I had included a few open-ended questions to allow for comments that may help answer some of these questions. I have written notes that will be used in my dissertation in the limitations section, so the time has not been totally wasted.

I think it is safe to say that I will NOT defend my paper in May like I had hoped. It will be first of August, at best, which means I will graduate in December 2020. One way or another, I WILL finish! I WILL earn my PhD credentials!!

Finally! I finished my proposal, submitted it, made a lot more changes while waiting on the committee to read it, then I defended the proposal on Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 at 10:00 am! The committee was kind to me. They asked a lot of questions and made suggestions for a few changes, but I got the green light to move ahead and begin collecting data!

What a great feeling. I am finally able to do what I wanted to do for several years now. The next orientation session is October 22nd where I can begin recruiting participants. I pray everyone attending wants to participate!! But I'm trying to mentally prepare in case only a few participate. I'm moving forward. That's all that matters.

There really IS a light near the end of the tunnel.

It has been a while since I posted anything here so it's time for a quick update.

I have passed my prospectus meeting and received the "ok" to submit to IRB when I am ready.

I am to schedule my proposal meeting for August (which is quickly approaching and I'm not ready).

I have finished all my instruments and many of the changes requested during the prospectus meeting. Today I hope to work on my IRB form, which is crazy long and detailed. My goal is to submit it to my chairs for a review this week and officially submit it next week.

I have finished the game and sent it to two committee members to test out plus the HR contact. No feedback yet.

I continue to work on things on the weekend in my office where I can have no distractions
(like a 2-1/2 year old little girl!).

I love being able to work on my dissertation at my own pace. I know that a strict schedule would get me finished sooner but I'm not in a hurry. It will get done eventually and hopefully I'll walk across the stage summer 2019. Almost a full year later than planned, but so what? My stress level is so much better this way. I can cope. And perhaps my finished paper will reflect it.

No deep thoughts and reflection today. Just the facts.

Just when you think you have life figured out and a solid plan working smoothly, it can all change.

This past summer, I was about two weeks away from completing my last two courses. I started classes in Fall 2014 and now, Summer 2017, I was about to finally finish and ready to begin my research. Exciting times!

But then I got a phone call. A family member made some bad life choices and her 20-month old daughter was taken away and placed in foster care. My husband and I knew exactly what we had to do; we just had no idea how to do it! Yes, we had room in our home. We had room in our hearts. But did we have room in our lifestyle?​ Our oldest child, already living on his own, was getting married in just a few weeks. The other two "kids" were in college and living on their own. We only had a cat to care for, and she would soon be moving in with my son and his new wife. 

My husband had taken up running half-marathons with a goal to run a race in all 50 states and a total of 100 halves over a 5-year period. Sometimes I traveled with him; other times I stayed home to study and complete school assignments. We both worked full-time jobs. We both had volunteer commitments. Life was full. We were the perfect example of happy empty-nesters. 

We could have easily said, "No. We have raised our kids and now it's our turn to enjoy each other."

We didn't say no. We knew that somehow, some way, we had to make room in our lives for this little girl. She needed us. And we knew she would forever change our perfect life for the better.

Through all the paperwork, home visits by DHR, and court appearances, I finished my coursework. Surprisingly, I made it through every class with an A! That's a huge accomplishment all its own. 

We cleaned out a bedroom, put in a toddler bed, dressed up the walls with pretty pink, gray, and teal, and told all our friends. The gifts started flooding in. Her room was filled with stuffed animals and toys and her closet filled of clothes. 

On August 25, 2017, (37 days after that first phone call) we drove 2 hours away and picked up our new little princess. 

Fast-forward 8 1/2 weeks....

The princess is 22-months old. She attends a church academy full-time and loves it. She has a huge family here. She appears to be happy and content. We are elated and can't wait to pick her up from school each day. She is "joy"! 

My husband and I are finally adjusting to our new schedules and beginning to make time for me to disappear to my office each evening. I am editing my prospectus (2nd draft). 

Having a total life interruption that kept me from thinking about my research or ANYTHING clearly, revisiting my research felt as if I was playing 52 card pick-up with one hand!! All my thoughts were totally jumbled up. I'm a big analogy person so hear me out.

Each card represents  a subject area of my research. 52 subject areas is a lot, right? With the life-interruption, I felt like all the cards were thrown up into the air and were now a scattered mess on the floor. Nothing was in order. The connections I had once made were now all disconnected. 

Knowing my topic had expanded, focused, expanded, focused, and expanded yet again (thanks to a professor that made me write a paper that only caused me to be confused about my original question ..... (I know, I'll probably thank her later)), somehow I had to eliminate some of the cards and rearrange others. 

I can only hold so much in one hand, so as I mentally gathered the scattered cards, I had to figure out which ones were priority, if and how they fit together, and decide which to leave on the ground. 

I speak of this in past tense, yet I'm still picking up and laying down the cards. Tomorrow I meet with one of my co-chairs in hopes of gaining his insight and direction. 

Adding a toddler to this PhD journey was never in the original plans... but plans were made to be changed! God started me on this journey. I can only trust him to help me finish it. And I do. :)

I passed my comps! Hooray!! One more step forward in this PhD journey.

I ran across a quote this morning that will help me get through the rest of this week (and maybe the summer). 

So simple and so true for anyone working to advance their education!

​These two summer classes are keeping me very busy, along with summer activities (a girl's got to have a little fun), and I still need to make a lot of adjustments to my prospectus before I can request a meeting with my committee. I'm so far behind. Oh well... It will all get done one way or another. One day I'll look back on this blog and smile. It will be worth it.

Another semester is behind me. It's May and I'm enjoying a few weeks without writing assignments and due dates. I have registered for, what I hope to be, my last two classes! I have written a fairly decent draft of my prospectus and will meet with my co-chairs next week to discuss it. By the end of summer, I will have met with my entire dissertation committee to present the prospectus and will be ready to work on the proposal. One step at a time . . . progress is being made. 

My home library is growing. I recently purchased two more gaming books. There are so many more I wish to own, but it's hard to find the time to read them while I'm still taking classes.  All my printed articles have been alphabetized and I'm going through them all now to make sure they have been added to my RefWorks account and then added to Nvivo. It's a slow process because I missed a good many, but once I'm done, it will help tremendously when I'm writing my dissertation. 

May is a month to rest, play in the garden/yard, waste time watching television, and visit friends and family. It's also a time to regroup, organize, clean-up, and get ready for these last two classes. Honestly, I'm not excited about the topics at all, but unless I was willing to wait until the fall semester, I didn't have much choice. I had to take what was being offered. It's two months worth of work. Just two months!

Then . . .

NO MORE COURSEWORK!

Keeping my eyes on the prize ahead!!